ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
