So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
