Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
