So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
