I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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