well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
