ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
