god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
