We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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