You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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