New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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