...so i touched it.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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