Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
