we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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