He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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