Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
