I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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