So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
