I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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