I showed him my bush... on skype.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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