very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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