wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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