that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
