JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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