Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
