i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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