she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
