piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
