I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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