I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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