im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
4 words: hood of his car
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
