apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
