very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
