I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
