Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The beer is more important than you right now.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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