he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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