Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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