I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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