My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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