I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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