There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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