You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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