Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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