yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
