he told me I talked like a deaf person
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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