So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
