For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
