nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
