you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
