watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
