Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Let's get the cat blown out
Randomize
