I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
